2012年1月23日星期一

桃花




2012123
本來沒有打算逛花市。
不知道為何,年27吃完團年飯便去了銅鑼灣。
也不知道為何,到了銅鑼灣就順著人流去了維園。
又不知道為何,入了維園,便直搗一個桃花檔。
更不知道為何,我們連價也沒有講,也沒有比較其它桃花檔,便在5分鐘內買了人生第一棵桃花。
10分鐘後,我們迅速離開維園歸家。
心血來潮,可能和這棵桃花有緣份吧!一看便喜歡了,老公還大讚她的姿態特別好,花蕾分布特別均勻。
回到家裡,坐在沙發上,欣賞着由桃花點 綴的大廳,感到很滿足。
生活中帶點隨意,平凡中帶點驚喜,不錯,不錯!
祝大家龍年美滿,幸福快樂。


2012年1月5日星期四

Last words


Aug 2009 (Retreat Day 8)

During the Mass on our last day of the retreat, Father Tung shared the following:

"As a modern day man, we are always busy. We see what God does in our lives from without in our busyness and manyness.  We search for him from without.

When we do not see Him/feel His presence from without, we should go within ourselves and see what He is doing within us in silence. God is closer to us than ever when He seems to be absent in our lives. He is closer than ever when He is silent. It is in the within that we meet Jesus, we meet a friend. And a friend lays down his life for a friend. As Jesus laid down his life for us, we are able to lay down ours for Him.

God respects each of us. As we see how God works within us, we will appreciate what He is working within others.

This is what contemplative prayer is about. This is what a pilgrim’s journey is about."

Life was Never the Same When They Saw Jesus Again


Aug 2009 (Retreat Day 8)

LIFE WAS NEVER THE SAME WHEN THEY SAW JESUS AGAIN

As the stone was rolled away
Life was never the same
When they saw Jesus again

At the table with friends
The bread was never the same
When He broke it again

By the sea of Galilee
The miracle was never the same
When it was performed again

As He opened their eyes
Their passion was never the same
When He called their names again

As He showed the nail marks
Their faith was never the same           
When they touched His hands and feet again

As He asked whether you loved Him
The answer would never mean the same
When you see Him again
The fisherman who followed Jesus
But denied him three times
Is now laying his life down for Him

Life was silently transforming in that three days
When Jesus was away
The Lord was closer than ever in His absence
Than in his presence
There is nothing else that matters
But to see Him again
You are all I want

Life was never the same without Jesus
Life was never the same in that three days
Life was never the same when they saw Him again
Life was never the same when joy replaced tears
Life was never the same when love empowered frailty

It’s not just your victory over death, but I can see you again
It’s not just the greatest work is done, but I can be with you again
And You will come again, from our permanent home in heaven

When they saw Jesus again, their lives were never the same
Lord, my life will never be the same as I have seen you again

Abba's Little Child


Aug 2009 (Retreat Day 7)

ABBA’S LITTLE CHILD

Abba Abba
Sing me a lullaby, sing me a lullaby
Be with me, be with me
Colors of the night, arh arh
Monsters in my dreams, warh warh

Child, my dear child
My sweet child
You are always Abba’s little child, ghee ghee
Sleep sound in my arms
Sleep sound in Abba’s arms, rock rock
Rest secured on my shoulders
Rest secured on Abba’s shoulders, bump bump
Find peace in my embrace
Find peace in Abba’s embrace, pat pat

Abba Abba
Sing me a lullaby, sing me a lullaby
Be with me, be with me
Thunders of the night, arh arh
Lightening in my dreams, warh warh

Child, my dear child
My sweet child
You are always Abba’s little child, ghee ghee
I will light up the moon in the dark, shine shine
I will hang up the stars as your toys, blink blink
I will call you name in a gentle breeze, blow blow
I will put the smile of the morning sun on your face, cheez cheez
I will paint a rainbow in the sky, clap clap
I will hold your little fingers in my strong hands, ghee ghee

Child, my dear child
My sweet child
You are always Abba’s little child, forever and ever, ghee ghee, ghah ghah

God's Own Sacrifice


Aug 2009 (Retreat Day 7)
GOD’S OWN SACRIFICE (Isaiah 53; Luke 22-23)

At the last supper, in the room upper,
Jesus gave his body as bread of life,
Poured out his blood for the tablets of flesh,
Perfecting the tablets of stone.

Did the apostles know the parable when they were arguing which of them was considered to be the greatest?
Did the high priest’s servant know why they laid their hands on Jesus who touched and healed his ears?
Did the fisherman know he would deny his Lord three times when he said he was willing to die with him?
Did he understand when Jesus turned and looked straight at him? When he went outside and wept bitterly?

Did the passerby know why he had to carry the cross for Jesus?
Did the mourners know that grief would turn into victorious joy?
Did the soldiers know why Jesus did not save himself?
Did the crowd know why Messiah was crucified in silence?
Did the robber know Jesus was the Lamb of God? Was the King?

The compassionate heart that had prayed for many,
Was praying in sorrow and anguish in Gethsemane.
But he submitted to the Father’s will on his knees.

As he rose from prayer, he laid down his life, offered it on the cross on his own accord. As he rose again from the empty tomb, the most awesome work of God was done.

The greatest offering was made in silence,
As he suffered the pain in violence,
Praying for Father’s pardon
For what they had done
But they did not know.

God prepared His own sacrifice,
Only He was able to make,
Jesus was wiling to take,
A contrite heart may taste,
The silence’s weight.

When Christ was alone on his way,           
People had gone astray,
God seemed to have hidden His face.
He took up our infirmities,
Was afflicted for our iniquities,
Because they didn’t hear nor see.

He drank his cup of joy and sorrow to its fullest,
When the sweat fell to the ground like drops of blood,
When He revealed the nail marks in His hands.

Do you know what you have done?
Do you understand the price of Son?
Do you have the robber’s wisdom?
Do you appreciate love’s ransom?

To meditate: Isaiah 53:7

He was oppressed and afflicted,
Yet he did not open his mouth;
He was led like a lamb to the slaughter,
And as a sheep before her shearers is silent,
So he did not open his mouth.

A Fragrant Offering

Aug, 2009 (Retreat Day 6)

A FRAGRANT OFFERING (John 12:1-11)

Do you see the worshipper’s heart from Bethany?
Do you hear the gentle movements as Mary pours the nard and wipes Jesus’ feet with her hair?
Do you feel the purity of the nard in the alabaster jar?
Do you smell the scent of a fragrant offering Mary made in silence?
Do you see, hear, smell and touch Jesus who was delighted in the beautiful offering?

Do you see the love of God that transcends through time,
Incarnates in flesh, crucified and arose?
Do you hear the silence of the prayer under the olive tree?
Do you feel the weight of the sacrifice God laid?
Do you smell the scent of the guilt offering God made in silence?
Through the time, people see and hear. They do not understand.
The blindness and deafness, can you withstand?

This is my prayer Lord
We love because You first loved us.
We give because You first gave us Your Only Son.
You prepared Your Lamb for our sins, so that we can make our sacrifices before You.
May my life be a fragrant offering
May my life be an aromatic place where people can see, hear, smell and touch You
May You accept my offering with pleasure
To the praise of Your glorious grace

This is my prayer Lord
May my life be a fragrant offering
May my life be an aromatic place
May You accept my sacrifice with pleasure
To the praise of Your glorious grace

Circumcise My Heart O Lord

Aug 2009 (Retreat Day 5)

CIRCUMCISE MY HEART O LORD (Deut 30:6)

Circumcise my heart, O lord,
So that I can love You with all my heart, soul, mind and strength.

Circumcise my heart, O lord,
So that I can love You with all my heart, soul, mind and strength.

It’s purely by your grace, O Lord,
It’s purely by your mercy, O Lord.

Circumcise my heart, O lord,
So that I can love You with all my heart, soul, mind and strength.

You Are the Lord of My Heart

Aug 2009 (Retreat Day 5)


YOU ARE THE LORD OF MY HEART  

You are the Lord of my heart
You know my heart’s deepest desire
As you placed the precious gift in me with care and pleasure

You are the Lord of my heart,
Ignite the fire in my heart
Make it warm and lively
Synchronize its rhythm
With that of Jesus and Yours
You know all I want is you

You are the Lord of my heart
You know my heart’s deepest desire
Which is a precious gift to be opened
And celebrated with deepest joy
By your love and grace
You are the Lord of my heart
You are all I want
Amen


Fear Not

August, 2009 (Retreat Day 4)


FEAR NOT, YOU ARE MINE (Isaiah 43:1b-2; Exodus 14:13-14; Joshua 1:9; Deuteronomy 1:29-31; 31:6 )

Fear not, you are mine
Fear not, for I have redeemed you
I have summoned you by name
You are mine

Fear not, you are mine
Fear not, I will go before you, will fight for you
I will carry you as a father carries his son
I will never leave you nor forsake you
I will be with you wherever you go
You need only to be still

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you
When you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you
When you walk through the fire, the flames will not set you blaze

Fear not, you are mine
Fear not, for I have redeemed you
I have summoned you by name
You are mine

2012年1月2日星期一

高潮以後,派對過後:


昨天、今天、明天
20111230

高潮過後,派對以後,剩下的是甚麼?
是激盪心靈的迴響、尾音和感動?還是生命中不能承受的空虛和冷清?不能抽離過去的現實?
是成為自己向前的動力,令生命更充滿盼望和信心?還是成為裹足不前的纏累,使自己不能夠再一次接受平凡的今天。
高潮過去,自然是低潮。人不能夠長期處於亢奮狀態,這會令自己進入巔峰狀態,脫離現實,拼命追逐高潮。因此,高潮往往是短暫的。她的美麗即令人驚喜,也令我失落。她給我真實,也使我迷失。
我這兩年經常在想以色列人出埃及的那一段歷史故事。在親眼見證了上帝施行令人咋舌的十災,和過紅海的高潮後,他們是怎麼看待曠野四十年的「低潮」。在浩浩蕩蕩、轟轟烈烈、敲鑼打鼓的氣勢下出埃及,當一切歸回平靜,上帝不再施行令人咋舌的神跡,只是在曠野中供應不多不少的必須時,以色列人的心路歷程又是怎樣的?
我這麼想,是因為我覺得自己在過去三年里經歷了靈命的出埃及記。我沒有仔細數過,但是我相信上帝在我轉行讀心理學的過程中,給了我差不多十個印證和神跡(有些在以前分享過)。在我生命中,第一次在短短幾個月中見證了超乎我一切情感和理智能夠想像的印證,和從前只是風聞的神蹟,豐富奇妙得有時候使我發呆。
然而,高潮過後,上帝安靜了,我徹底地迷失了。我一心以為在中大讀完心理學conversion course後,便是報讀臨床心理學。但是,我發現我所讀的心理學,並非如我所想的,也滿足不了我。那一年,課程緊密得使我只看到一大堆關於人的資料和數據,而非充滿人性的本身。但是,我不知道自己要甚麼 。 一向做事果斷的我,一反常態。結果, 我沒有報讀任何對我事業有直接幫助的課程,因為我做不了令我安心的決定。我為我的人生下了極大的賭注(縱然我相信這是當時最明智的決定),鼓起了比我轉行所需要的更大勇氣,決定休息一年,繼續發掘我的去向。這個決定,對於一向喜歡計畫的自己,是一項莫大的挑戰。
那一年非常難過,是低潮中的最低谷。在曠野中,自己沒有任何方向;我質問上帝我的迦南在哪里?我也質疑自己當初有沒有聽錯神的聲音;面對家人的擔心、朋友、前途、財政壓力,做不了任何交代;也沒有人瞭解自己;別人的疑問令我很有壓力。 在無人的曠野,我獨自一人低垂着頭走我認為對的路。
然而,在沒有方向、漫無目的的時候,曠野中又慢慢地出現了實實在在方向。天水圍和屯門的義工,中大的一年個人成長課程,對人的生命充滿熱誠的教授,令我感動的人本主義和存在主義,自己的個人神學反思,慢慢地把我的世界開闊了。在無人的曠野, 縱然我的存在渺小得和一粒黃沙無異,上帝卻讓我在一粒沙里看世界(見20111219日的博客分享)。只要我抬頭走路,我的視野便變得特別開闊,我看見的不只是黃沙,還有可以走的更遠的路。我發現自己的確喜歡心理學,只是在中大讀conversion course 的那一年沒有找到自己認同的人觀和心理學派。我也更認識自己,知道自己需要一套令我認同的核心價值,才有動力和方向向前行。
當我以為自己好像甚麼都沒有,前無去路,後無退路,又沒有收入的時候, 上帝告訴我:“你們身上的衣服並沒有穿破,腳上的鞋也沒有穿壞”(申295)。在我沒有工作,老公也在發掘人生方向、收入波動的時候,我們的生活竟然只受了輕微的影響,我們也各自有機會去探索各自的方向。回想起來,我真的不太知道過去兩年我們是怎樣過的,但是覺得很奇妙。
真正的高潮可能並不在埃及和紅海發生,也不在四十年後過約旦河進入迦南地的時候,而是在曠野。畢竟,這才最接近現實的人生,哪來這麼多驚天動地的神跡?生命中更多的是平淡和困難。神跡固然令人嚮往,但若只看到神跡、而看不見神跡背後的上帝,便是本末倒置。上帝透過我的曠野,反而讓我看見一個更大的祂。祂比祂所有的神蹟更大。
一年漂泊過後,我已經從新上路了一段時間, 在我的曠野中看到我的出路。2012年的我, 依然會在曠野。然而,我已經開始習慣、並喜歡上了這個曠野。我依然一人在我的曠野中行走,但我並不寂寞,因為祂的眼目從來沒有離開過我。我的曠野不再黑暗,因為有漫天的星光與我同行,是西乃山上的星光,向我訴說上帝和祂所造的世界是如何大。曠野,讓我經歷真實的信仰和上帝。
29:2摩西召了以色列眾人來,對他們說:耶和華在埃及地,在你們眼前向法老和他眾臣僕,並他全地所行的一切事,你們都看見了。29:3就是你親眼看見的大試驗,和神蹟,並那些大奇事。29:4但耶和華到今日沒有使你們心能明白,眼能看見,耳能聽見。29:5我領你們在曠野四十年,你們身上的衣服並沒有穿破,腳上的鞋也沒有穿壞。29:6你們沒有喫餅,也沒有喝清酒、濃酒,這要使你們知道耶和華是你們的神。( 申命記)
這一篇回顧比較長。怎麼說,都是過去3年的心路歷程。